Sexless In Seattle

Mood: Strong, Insightful and Determined

Hello all and welcome to my TED talk. Lol just kidding. Seriously though, I made the decision when I started this blog to post about a date each week and I will continue to do that but I was hit with inspiration today to talk a little bit about a common theme in online dating and that is the scammer. Now, I am no dating coach and I am definitely not an expert in ‘How to Find a Good Man in 90 days or less.’ I have however, encountered my fair share of scammers on my dating journey and I thought I would share some of my own experiences.

First of all what types of men do I see as scammers? I’ve noticed a common trend of men from specific European countries (Scandinavian specifically) who seem to be leading in the online scamming game now a days. Disclaimer, not all Scandinavian and European men you encounter on dating apps will be scammers but in my experiences so far almost 100% of the men I have encountered turned out to be less than honest about their intentions. Any human under any demographic can be a scammer, but this is the trend I see growing now.

Secondly, a lot of them are using their own photos (or maybe photos of people in their scamming groups, if they are working in groups) so you won’t always find that the pictures are fake or from an unsuspecting person’s profile when you do a reverse image search. I have even had some who have video chatted me and while they looked not as good as their photos they looked like the person in the photo (maybe them or someone in their circle who looks like them). I said all that to say, you won’t always get someone with fake profile pictures they stole from someone else’s social media account (although this can still happen).

Thirdly, they have all wanted to transfer our conversations to Whatsapp. Again, just because someone wants to take your chat off of the dating app doesn’t mean they are a scammer and just because they want to use WhatsApp doesn’t mean they are a scammer. I personally use WhatsApp because I lived abroad and most everyone used it in Europe. Also, people who travel a lot, for work or pleasure, seem to use apps like WhatsApp to stay connected to their friends and family (at least I do) because these apps are free, have great video and voice calls, are encrypted and work in any country without risking huge cell phone charges for using your regular provider.

With all of that, how do I now spot a scammer? It has become my rule to have a date with a new suitor within a week of seriously chatting with them. The scammers always find an excuse to not meet you in person. Some have told me they are just so busy they can’t meet for weeks. Some have told me, they prefer to build a relationship through text first before meeting. Now, for you women (and men) who have been on the dating apps you know that these men out here want to meet you ASAP. They want to meet you yesterday. The reasons they want to meet you in person vary, and it’s up to you to discern if you feel comfortable with meeting every man, but they want to meet you. So my suspicion always peaks when a man finds an excuse NOT to meet with me in person. It doesn’t always mean he’s trying to scam me but it certainly is suspicious. Also, I have found that these men will mention gold or crypto. Usually casually as a hobby or passive form of income. Now, some men mention it in passing others try to make every conversation about investing. The common thread is money becomes a part of your initial conversation (we are here for romance right? Why are we talking about investing in our second chat with each other?)

Eventually these men will try to sell you on investing in crypto or gold or whatever the hot thing is with them. The conversations will veer further and further away from, what you both want in romance and more towards business and money. Some will become aggressive and agitated if you try steer the conversation away from investments. Those are the lazy scammers who just want to scam as many people in as short a time as possible. The long game scammers will take their time and play the long game with you. Either way, don’t fall for the trap.

I use to get in my feelings about these encounters, again this was before I was having fun in dating. Now, I consider these guys as a fun ‘Boss level nemesis” to defeat (as if I’m playing a video game). I don’t let them distract me from my life. I don’t let them convince me to delete the dating app (another tactic they use) but I do like to have fun with them. My WhatsApp still has my Spain number, so I don’t hesitate in moving conversations there. I always ask for their number when they have the idea of moving to WhatsApp and then I add them so they never have my real phone number (I created my WhatsApp while I lived in Spain and that number is still attached). My new game I play with them is, when money comes up I purposefully play super dumb and try to get them to send ME money. I had this guy who was only talking to me about crypto and how much money he was making. I pumped him up as being my big strong, smart money man and then when he brought up investing with him. I lied to him and told him I needed him to send me some money to get me started, even 50 dollars. Now, I would never ask a man for money who I was seriously talking to. But these men (if they are all even men) are glorified telemarketers trying to scam you out of your money and personal information (address, phone numbers, emails, passwords, SSN, passports, DL). It’s okay to have some fun with them.

The guy I am currently talking to, Tony (i used the name he gave me because i’m certain it’s not his real name), is from Denmark, super into crypto and even sent me pictures that match his profile and are of him engaged in various activities. Wearing a Christmas sweater, celebrating a birthday, thumbs upping a day at work and wearing Mickey Mouse ears. Do all the pictures look like they were taken on the same day? Yes, they do. But ignore that, because, can’t you see they are clearly different times of the year? Just look at my shirts.

Now, he played the meeting in person a little differently. I mentioned meeting him yesterday and he said he would love to but today he had to travel to Sacramento to go be with his mother who is undergoing surgery! Oh dear, what a coincidence. He said he would love to meet me but he won’t be back for an indefinite amount of time. What did I do in response? Firstly I showed genuine concern for his mother (which I do have just for the idea of someone’s parent being ill) then I told him I wanted him to focus on his family and we would chat again when he returned to where we both lived. Today, the day of his flight he texted me to tell me what time he was leaving. I asked what airline and after a moment he gave me an answer, Southwest. Well, I work at the airport and I told him I happened to be there today because I had to come in. I told him I would meet him at his gate to say hello (in the only commercial airport in our area Southwest only leaves from one area at the end of one of the letter gates, they never leave from anywhere else). He got defensive. He said he didn’t want to meet me like this but I told him I would wait at his gate (and even gave him the gate number). He has gone dark on me. He stopped chatting with me. We will see if he communicates again and I will update you all at that time.

The moral of the story is. Trust your gut. If you are only interested in keeping your relationship online, that is perfectly fine but keep your personal and financial information to yourself. If you are not wanting to stay online, use your feminine wiles to encourage an in person date, and remember, men serious about getting to know, (even if it’s only on a physical level), will jump at a chance to see you in person. Once again, follow your intuition and be honest with yourselves about red flags, safety is so important when you are meeting people IRL.

If these guys are not taking you on a date within a week of connecting and chatting with you, they are either not interested in meeting with you or they could have more sinister intentions. Not all of our dating journey’s will be the same but I encourage all of you to stay safe out there and have fun. Have fun with the good but also have fun with the not so good. Feel empowered in this journey. Remember you are the star of this show. What would you as the lead do? How should you be treated by these co stars and side characters? Be kind to yourself and put your needs first. Once you make a genuine connection you can start relaxing into your natural energies (weather that is, nurturing lover, bad bitch baddie or anything in between) but for now let these men work to please you. You are an Empress, imagine yourself as Cleopatra Goddess having these men lay at your feet and do whatever they can to please you. I love you all and I wish you all success. I remain for now…

Sexless in Seattle