Sexless In Seattle

Hello again. It’s so nice to be here with you all. I love being able to join you and let you into my dating journey and I’m so happy that you all continue to join me. Dating has been interesting as you all have come to realize from my blog posts; but it’s not just the physical dates, that are blog worthy, it’s also those phone dates and texts that lead up to physical dates that are interesting. I have a tale of two men, well, let me be specific, I have a tale of one man and a very brief update of another.  So, where to start? Let’s start with the quick update. I recently went on a date with someone we will call Flakey Phil. Flakey Phil was a lesson in following your intuition. When I first connected with him he had no follow through with dates. He would ask me out, then change the time at the last minute or ask me out and not set any time. Now, I am… a Capricorn. If you know, you know. But for those who don’t know, I have no problem taking the reigns, making plans and taking action. However, in dating, I am trying to not only be more in my feminine energy but I’m also trying to see how these men approach courtship. How you start is how you finish after all, so when I encounter a suitor who is low effort and doesn’t seem to care at all, I know that’s what a relationship would be like with him. Me doing all the heavy lifting and him phoning it in. So, when he flaked on me the last time, I had decided to move on, yet I did not. He kept texting me and apologizing (which didn’t move me) but then when I had other evening plans that fell through, I decided to reach out to him and see if he wanted to meet up after all. He did and we went out and had a cute little date. We talked a lot and he was nice and cute. After the date he offered to drive me home (I lived walking distance from where we met so I didn’t have my car) and once we were in his car, he tried to make out with me. I set a boundary and told him I don’t get physical on the first date, to which he joked “well I guess I have to take you out again.” We parted with plans to meet up soon. Now, here is where the buffoonery enters. He makes plans to take me out to a cute little spot that closes at 8pm, however, on the evening of our date (around 6pm) he texts me to let me know he has an issue with his car and doesn’t know how long it will take. Now my Spidey senses start tingling and my intuition tells me he’s trying to avoid the date and get to the ‘making out’ so I tell him “no problem, we can go to a place downtown that is open until midnight.” I don’t hear back from him until a quarter after 8pm and he suggests a place that is closer to us, serves only alcohol (he knows I’m not a big drinker) and closes at 9pm so that by the time he gets there and I’m ready and we get to this spot, we only have maybe 20 minutes at best before it closes. To me these are not the actions of a serious adult man who is interested in dating. These are the actions of a teenager trying to ‘get lucky.’ I tell him I’m not going to be ready in time to make it to the place he suggested but would he be interested in going to a place that stays open later (and serves food). His response was to ghost me (lol) and honestly, I’m not mad at it. I see it as the universe removing people out of my energy field that are not meant to be there.

Now that we have finished the appetizer, let’s get to the main course. This gentleman I did not meet in person. We texted only for about a week but ultimately never met. He actually seemed like a really nice person. He works as a balloon artist and does a lot of work with children, trying to bring joy into their lives. When he told me this my reaction was “you’re such a great human, not a lot of people would find joy doing what you do for a living”. His reaction was to lament how, while he loved his job he hated being called a pedophile (Insert big cartoon, shocked eyes here). Hu-what? Where did that come from? This is your introduction to who we will call Energy/Emotional Vampire.  I side stepped that because I’m all about dwelling in the blessings not in the dumps so we continued chatting. I soon found out that he was Polyamorous, which I have come to learn is a spectrum and there isn’t just one way to be Poly, he is someone who has a ‘nesting partner’ (a romantic partner he lives with) but also dates and starts relationships with other people and his nesting partner is aware. I’m not sure how he differs from someone who is Ethically Non-monogamous or someone who has an open relationship but he identifies as different. Now, I’m looking for a more traditional romance so I wasn’t really interested in joining him in a romantic adventure but I was open to a friendship. What I wasn’t open to, was the trauma dumping that he began to do on our second texting interaction. Mind you, I’ve never met him in person and again had only chatted with him once before via text, but he began to unleash all of his pain and trauma everywhere. I understand what it’s like to deal with big emotions but literally the 4^th text he ever sent me (which was in response to my question of ‘how was your day) was “Terrible! But I’m not going to trauma dump on you.” This was proceeded with a trauma dump which lasted until I was emotionally drained and had to tell him I needed to go. Every interaction afterwards was me wanting to get to know him and him telling me the darkest and saddest things which were just sucking all of the energy and good feelings out of me. I would finish texting him, feeling so sad and despondent and while I am completely empathetic to having a tough time or even depression I kept wondering if he was only trying to connect with me as a therapeutic outlet for himself or to vent or because misery loves company; because he definitely wasn’t trying to get to know me. He never asked me about myself and didn’t seem to care about anything having to do with me. I would ask him something as simple as, ‘how are you?’ and he would proceed to text me his emotional laundry list of every bad thing that had, has and will happen to him. It was truly exhausting. I’m exhausted just thinking about it now. I am not a cold, emotionless person, I know I said I was a Capricorn but I seriously have the biggest heart. I want to be here when people need me, but I also didn’t join dating sites to be a volunteer therapist, especially when my ‘patient’ doesn’t seem to have, or want any agency in their lives. He was a victim of everything and it also became quite evident that he would get into relationships to escape the last relationship he was in and have a place to live, the full hobo-sexual lifestyle. This is where someone jumps from relationship to relationship for housing purposes. I was not about to be his next escape plan. I told him I didn’t want to continue communicating with him and after he attempted to do a bit of light emotional manipulation, he accepted what I had said and that was the end of it.

Okay, so what was the point of these two tales? The point is to always trust and follow your intuition. From the beginning of both of these interactions my gut was telling me to not even ‘stop the metaphorical car and just keep driving’, but I’m a curious kitten and a rebel to the point of where I go against my own good sense sometimes. I love those things about me but I also want to do better intuitively which means releasing the older version of me to allow the newer version of me to have space to grow and expand within my universe. I am always living in a space of gratitude for being able to, not only, have these experiences but be SO present in them that I can see myself grow and evolve in real time. I have to be honest, a part of me is having so much fun with this blog that I don’t even know WHAT my dating objective is at this point. I do know that I will continue to live in my joy, to be grateful, to be present and to trust my intuition more. Above all else, for now, I continue to be

Sexless in Seattle